The Partially Educated Review
Whilst I don't have children of my own...
…I do have a nephew. And with that comes an at least partially
developed (or even... educated, heh heh) awareness of the realities
of being around a child. More viewings of The Boss Baby
than any one person should ever be expected to handle within the
grasp of sanity. The word “No”. And a constant stream of the latest smash-hit song
that has been adapted into a Hollywood blockbuster.
(Though admittedly this shark could not be referred to as a baby)
The Meg sandwiches itself
somewhere between Jaws and
Sharknado. You're not
going to see a shark eat an aeroplane, but you're also not to going
to see anything that will make you properly fear going into the sea.
Mostly because the shark is preposterously
big and also because all are safe when Statham's on the case.
The Stath plays Jonas Taylor, a
former rescue diver dubbed mad by all after his claims that a giant
sea monster thwarted a past mission. Wouldn't you know it? He wasn't
mad. After a group of scientists accidentally free a 70-something
foot prehistoric shark (the circumstances are superfluous), Stath is
the man for the mission. If you expected more plot than that...
Now I'm going to reveal a little
secret. I quite like Jason Statham.
Yes, the man could appear wooden in
the forest of Fanghorn, but I've always thought he comes across as a
nice guy and (more importantly) when the films don't take him too
seriously, he can make me laugh. By rights, The
Meg should be one of those films
that's played for laughs and the sight of Jason punching things. He's
good at that.
That's where the weird problem
arises (not the punching, that happens). While situations are
very rarely shown to us with any sort of sincerity, there are huge
swathes where all we're given is horribly stunted dialogue and it
sort of feels like they think that's where the joke lies. Worse, the actual jokes they give us are all recycled with the notable exception of
the film's very last and pretty damned funny one. There is a
serious lack of worthy humour here, as if they think that stealing the
script from Sharktopus
is fine as long as they throw more money at the effects.
In fairness though, that higher
budget does have one advantage. Director Jon Turteltaub (the National Treasure films) is no
stranger to putting together a set piece and these are probably the
strongest ones he's done. They're fun and there is some imagination
on show at times. Whilst perhaps not quite good enough to make
sitting through all the exposition feel entirely worth it, they at least leave you feeling as though you haven't completely wasted your time.
Let's be honest though. You already
know your opinion of The Meg whether
you've seen it or not. You either see Statham as this generation's
Schwarzenegger or you think that The Expendables films
work only because if they're all making the same film, they can't make as
many. That is the factor that will determine your enjoyment of The
Meg. That, or your enjoyment of
big f**king sharks!
FIVE out of 10
