The Meg

I've seen bigger.

The Partially Educated Review

Whilst I don't have children of my own...

…I do have a nephew. And with that comes an at least partially developed (or even... educated, heh heh) awareness of the realities of being around a child. More viewings of The Boss Baby than any one person should ever be expected to handle within the grasp of sanity. The word “No”. And a constant stream of the latest smash-hit song that has been adapted into a Hollywood blockbuster.

(Though admittedly this shark could not be referred to as a baby)

The Meg sandwiches itself somewhere between Jaws and Sharknado. You're not going to see a shark eat an aeroplane, but you're also not to going to see anything that will make you properly fear going into the sea. Mostly because the shark is preposterously big and also because all are safe when Statham's on the case.

The Stath plays Jonas Taylor, a former rescue diver dubbed mad by all after his claims that a giant sea monster thwarted a past mission. Wouldn't you know it? He wasn't mad. After a group of scientists accidentally free a 70-something foot prehistoric shark (the circumstances are superfluous), Stath is the man for the mission. If you expected more plot than that...

Now I'm going to reveal a little secret. I quite like Jason Statham.

Yes, the man could appear wooden in the forest of Fanghorn, but I've always thought he comes across as a nice guy and (more importantly) when the films don't take him too seriously, he can make me laugh. By rights, The Meg should be one of those films that's played for laughs and the sight of Jason punching things. He's good at that.

That's where the weird problem arises (not the punching, that happens). While situations are very rarely shown to us with any sort of sincerity, there are huge swathes where all we're given is horribly stunted dialogue and it sort of feels like they think that's where the joke lies. Worse, the actual jokes they give us are all recycled with the notable exception of the film's very last and pretty damned funny one. There is a serious lack of worthy humour here, as if they think that stealing the script from Sharktopus is fine as long as they throw more money at the effects.

In fairness though, that higher budget does have one advantage. Director Jon Turteltaub (the National Treasure films) is no stranger to putting together a set piece and these are probably the strongest ones he's done. They're fun and there is some imagination on show at times. Whilst perhaps not quite good enough to make sitting through all the exposition feel entirely worth it, they at least leave you feeling as though you haven't completely wasted your time.

Let's be honest though. You already know your opinion of The Meg whether you've seen it or not. You either see Statham as this generation's Schwarzenegger or you think that The Expendables films work only because if they're all making the same film, they can't make as many. That is the factor that will determine your enjoyment of The Meg. That, or your enjoyment of big f**king sharks!

FIVE out of 10