Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice

Preconceptions can be a nasty old bitch. Either you’re slagging something off before you’ve seen it, or you’re complaining about the people doing the slagging off as if you’re completely innocent of ever doing it yourself. And you’re not. You’re lying. I include myself in that. Case in point: try telling me that the next Resident Evil film is going to be any good. 

There are, however, two films that I needed to be great this year. If only so I could see the mouths of those pre-judgers clamp shut for at least a few blissful seconds. There’s still a chance with Ghostbusters.

The Partially Educated Review

It’s the Caped Crusader taking on… hang on, aren’t they technically both caped crusaders?

In 50 Words or Less: Suffering from an amazing opening that it can't hope to follow, Batman V Superman is also beleaguered by dull characters and a total humour bypass. That being said, the film coasts by quite admirably on premise alone and certainly isn't the outright disaster many seemed to wish it to be.

In Detail: Let me clarify right off the bat (pun not intended, but I’m leaving it there). Batman V Superman isn’t a bad film and compared to Man Of Steel, it’s definitely superior. That being said, a bollock removal was preferable to Man Of Steel. There are even some true flashes of brilliance here. Remove the opening credits which seem to believe that we need reminding of the murder of Bruce Wayne’s parents, as if he doesn’t remind us enough himself…

…and we move straight into one of the best opening sequences to a superhero film that I can name. And I’ll stand by that statement. In this post 9/11 world, big budget films have felt an alarming need to re-create carnage on a similar scale, without bringing any thought whatsoever to the loss of life that comes with it. Man Of Steel was one of the most guilty parties of this and that is addressed here, as them pesky superhero shenanigans finally get shown to us from a real world point of view. It’s alarming, it’s gripping and it’s a brilliantly played effort.

So brilliant that the rest of the film can’t follow. Despite his best efforts, director Zack Snyder just can’t keep the momentum going, mainly because we’ve realised how boring the characters are. In just about all cases, feelings of warmth are as absent here as they would be in a polar bear’s nutsack (two testicle jokes in one review, this is your fault, Snyder). Both Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne are played well enough (Affleck comes out best and I’m not just saying that), but there’s nothing new about their characters or their alter egos that hasn’t been explored elsewhere. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Batman and Superman are divisive figures in the eyes of the-

Making them really likeable though has always been a tough one. I would personally claim that no one’s properly achieved it, particularly in the case of Batman. Instead, they usually succeed if the villains are so hateful that you’ll cheer for anyone against them. Surely, Lex Luthor is that figure of hate?

Technically? Yes. He is hateful. Not in a good way though. It’s clear that Jesse Eisenberg didn’t want to play this as Mark Zuckerberg: Super Villain and that’s respectable. He’s gone quirky though. WAY too quirky. His presence on screen isn’t one that you’ll relish and enjoy. You’ll want to rip his voice box out and gaffer tape his mouth shut, just to make sure that little girlish giggle can never be audible again. There are other villains, but they’re either bland terrorists or smashy screamy monster types, undeserving of further mention.

Yet despite these issues, there’s still something that keeps the film ticking along. The idea of these two characters together for the first time should feel more massive than it does, but it does still hold some weight. To me, this feels much more important than any combination Marvel can offer us…

…though Justice League will likely feel like Avengers-lite, particularly given the moderately ham-fisted way in which they’re going about introducing other characters. For fear of spoilers, I’ll say no more than that.

By the end of it all though, Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice leaves me with a quandary. It’s good enough to get a positive score and yet it’s still a failure. People were so dead set against this film from the get go that anything less than Dark Knight quality was going to result in the naysayers declaring themselves right all along (you weren’t right, kindly never speak again). In fact, here’s categorical proof of how not bad this film is. If you want to, go ahead and tell me that this film is awful. Now watch Catwoman. Tell me again that this film is awful.

SIX out of 10

I’ve just realised that’s the same score I gave Fantastic Four. May have over-scored that one.