Thursday, 26 February 2015

The Minimally Talented Spoiled Brat?

Partial Education Presents
The Minimally Talented Spoiled Brat?

Featuring Partially Educated Reviews of
Girl, Interrupted
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
A Mighty Heart
Wanted
Changeling
and Maleficent

A brief lesson in recent history for those who don't get the title. During the recent Sony Pictures hacking scandal, e-mails were leaked from producer Scott Rudin in which he referred to Angelina Jolie as, well, the title of this post. It's evident there's a growing divide in perception towards Jolie, with her actions off screen seemingly taking on more notoriety than her performances. Either she's an annoying do-gooder, or the embodiment of the strong female. Frankly, it's not a debate I want to discuss because the two words that really made me scoff at Rudin's remarks were "minimally talented". I've always considered Jolie to be an actress with a hefty dose of talent. I'm not saying she's one of the greatest, but I'm usually interested in seeing her projects. With the exception of Changeling though (reviewed later), I struggle to actually name a truly great performance from her. So, using a handful of her films, I'm looking simply to find out whether Jolie actually can act.


Here's the one that I absolutely had to include, as this film contains the role that won Jolie the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress. Curious then, that this film is very much focussed on it's lead actress, Winona Ryder. She plays Susanna Kaysen (author of the film's source material), who at the age of 18 was coerced into committing herself to a mental institution after taking an overdose of painkillers. This film is enshrouded in the ever-present shadow of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, but it does have tricks up it's sleeve to help avoid too many similarities. The fact that it's dealing with female inmates is the most obvious one, but this goes further than the simple difference in sexual organs, with issues that are dealt with as a result of the cast's femininity helping to differ the two. Also, these characters are barely two steps into adulthood, thus giving it a much more youthful feeling. There are flaws though, which serve to make this the inferior film. Most notably, a number of characters feel defined by what it is that makes them "mental", as averse to the person that lies behind and this can run at odds with how the film wants you to perceive those characters. Amongst this though, there are some great performances. In my Tim Burton reviews, I said that I wasn't the biggest fan of Ryder, but some of the films I've seen her in recently may have made me re-evaluate my stance and this is one of them. It's a small performance in a film that's full of large ones and this actually helps to make it stand out. Ryder's own distancing from grand displays of emotion mean that when the time comes for her to go for it, the moments feel more affecting. A smaller supporting role for Brittany Murphy is also well-played and has some real depth to it, despite her minimal screen time. Her storyline also provides the film's most affecting moment, though one that I am remiss to spoil. What, though, of Jolie? This will sound like an insult, but it isn't. Her performance is one that is most notable when she's not around. As the hospital's resident live wire, her off-the-rails (though blatantly compensatory) rebel is presented in bursts and then we get a bit of a break from her: a wise move as her character would become grossly annoying if around for much longer. When she isn't around you can feel how her appearances have affected everyone around her and she becomes the film's touchstone for how things will continue. It's a performance that's at times great, but at other times overdone. In an ending that is riddled with histrionics, she stands most guilty of all. Girl, Interrupted is a film that is built on these performances, but doesn't quite feel like a cohesive whole and holds a slightly unsubtle grasp on it's message. However, those performances are still enough to give this film a recommendation.

THREE out of five


Perhaps the inclusion of Tomb Raider is a little mean. Video game adaptations often serve as the place in which usually great actors (and Milla Jovovich) go to get rid of all the brain rot that's built up inside. Jolie's performance in Tomb Raider is no exception to this, so why do I feel the need to include it? Two reasons. First, she was stupid enough to sign up for a sequel (unless it was contractual obligation, but I'm ignoring that possibility). Also though, I've read a lot of reviews that actually try to claim she's the film's good point. In case you too have gone insane, let's get this straight. Lara Croft: Tomb Raider is a film that doesn't have good points. Instead, it has a hell of a lot of average ones. This amounts to a film that will only surprise you when it shows that it isn't laughably bad, but instead boringly pedestrian. For those who need a plot, there's a girl called Lara. She raids tombs. Despite the film's numerous attempts to throw in twists and turns and introduce us to all sorts of shady characters and fellow treasure hunters, that is all the film ever amounts to. It's a staple trademark of director Simon West's work, as he seems drawn to these sorts of films that set up the concept and then attempt to dazzle and excite, rather than intrigue. That may have worked for his debut film Con Air, but some 18 years later, that's still the film you need to go back to when making a case for the guy. Perhaps it's the gratuitous size of Jolie's lips that make it seem like her performance is little more than a pout with an uber-posh British accent, but even by her lofty stands, said lips protrude to an impressive level. Without that, there really isn't anything to remember the performance for. She's just a generic action hero, with her femininity only really defined by the ways in which her many curves are shot. There's also an early Daniel Craig performance, as a rival tomb raider and though Craig demonstrates some of the charm that would earn him the Bond role, he also demonstrates his still present lack of range when it comes to accents. Iain Glen is the only reason that would make you want to check this one out, though the reasons are less than complementary. As chief villain, Manfred Powell, he is every bit as terrible as his moniker. His range of facial emotions range from sneer to mild smirk and he adopts the "talk slowly and slyly" rule when it comes to proving your villainy. All this results in is criminal levels of hamminess. This film is all action and it's all so very forgettable. I just about remember some statues that kill and a spinning thing of some importance at the end, but honestly have no care to remind myself why it was there so that I can elaborate. Tomb Raider doesn't deserve to rank with the Uwe Boll adaptations and it's not as irritating as Prince Of Persia. It's just so royally meh.

TWO out of five


A Mighty Heart is a curious film. It feels like one tailor-made to arrive at the start of the New Year, fitting in with all the other awards season hopefuls. It's a performance-led piece, based on current events and deals with some real-life tragedy. Let's face it, the only thing lacking to make it a shoo-in for Best Picture would be making the lead a cripple. It wasn't released then though. It was released in June, right in the middle of blockbuster season. The inevitable result was it tanked and the sadder result is that it's now been largely forgotten. Not sad because it's an amazing film, but instead because it contains a Jolie performance that would shut a lot of the haters up if anyone had seen it in the first place. Dealing with the 2002 kidnapping of American journalist Daniel Pearl (Dan Futterman) by Pakistani militants, the film shows the various attempts to locate and rescue Pearl through the eyes of his pregnant wife Mariane (Jolie). Jolie's performance is one that has a real focus on ticking the "strong woman" boxes (gratefully without tomb raiding this time), but this works because the film wants us to see every facet of Mariane, not just the face of determination. She is a fighter in the truest sense of the word, determined not to allow her husband's kidnappers to see her break. In private though, we see the toll that the ordeal is taking on her and, for the most part, she's brilliant. I say, for the most part, because there are some moments later on in the film that some might find a little much in the expression of emotion, but they worked well enough for me. The film itself, however, is less sure of itself. Michael Winterbottom's direction feels a little confused here, particularly in a sense of tone. For much of the film, he shoots it docudrama style with handheld cameras and creates a feeling that the people on screen are aware of the camera in the room, but have no time to oblige it with attention. That's fine and suits a film that is far less about what happened (you have to assume most people know how it ends) and instead a look at how everything happened. There's moments though where he tries to go cinematic and these jar with the rest of the film, particularly in cases where Mariane is on her own and we get the slow, sad (and slightly manipulative) music creeping in. These simply aren't needed and their objective in making you sympathise with Mariane will be achieved elsewhere unless you're a completely heartless bastard. My comments about A Mighty Heart being designed for Oscar season aren't my way of saying it deserved a load of them, but Jolie's performance perhaps did deserve a bit of the attention that would have come from it, so next time you want to slag her off, watch this first.

THREE out of five




From the simple and affecting, to the overblown and insane. I probably should have gone for Salt here, as it's Jolie in a lead action role, as averse to Wanted where she plays second fiddle to James McAvoy. Salt is a bit of a mess though, saddling numerous great actors with zero chance to break through because of how indecisive the plot is. Wanted is a Timur Bekmambetov film, which means that while it's every bit as stupid as you'd expect from the man who gave us Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, he also has that desire to bring out some characters in his work. McAvoy is Wesley Gibson, a pen-pushing office worker who suffers from anxiety attacks and a chronic case of spinelessness. This all changes when he is approached by Fox (Jolie), an assassin who happened to work with Gibson's previously thought dead father. Gibson is brought into The Fraternity (led by Morgan Freeman, as Morgan Freeman), a group of secret (as averse to the usually public) assassins, who are assigned their targets by (and this is the good bit) The Loom Of Fate. That being a loom which names the target through a secret code defined by the errors in it's weaves. Thinking about this film will give you a headache and also mostly defies the point of it. Though the film does have some attempt at societal comment in Gibson's own perceived lack of use in the world, once it gets going, it's all about the action. Bullets curve, heads explode and bodies fall to the ground as the devastating lack of subtlety to The Fraternity's methods begs the persistent question: how the hell do they remain so secret? Both McAvoy and Jolie make for good to great action leads, with McAvoy not looking quite as out of place as you'd initially expect in the action sequences. He may be every bit as whiny as he is snarky, but he represents the everyman. Jolie, on the other hand, represents the ideal, as the cool and determined aspirational figure. Though she may be a cold-blooded killer, her reasons are fully justified and she's the film's strongest presence. There is one thing though that really sticks in this and it's one of my real bugbears in action films. When your supposed heroes show just as little concern for the well-being of the general public as your apparent villains do, it all blurs the lines and gets a little bit uncomfortable. The film's big action sequence on a train may be thrilling, but becomes unsettling in how uncaring the film seems to be towards the truly horrific nature of what is occurring. It may not be on the level of the old favourite of destroying London and then continuing on as if nothing happened afterwards, but it is still something that I absolutely hate in these sorts of films. Move on from that and Wanted is the sort of film that will serve all of your action needs. However, if you must insist on the presence of brains, assume this to be the case…




FOUR out of five


My subtle hint in the introduction may have given this away, but praise Clint Eastwood for I love this film. It even baffles me how the year that Slumdog Millionaire dominated the awards season gave almost no love to Changeling. Based on the infuriatingly sickening, but brilliantly told true story of events that occurred in Wineville, California during the 1920s (I'm spoiling nothing), Jolie is Christine Collins, a single mother whose son Walter goes missing. After several weeks, LAPD Captain J.J. Jones (the outstanding Jeffrey Donovan) delivers the good news that they have found her son alive and well. The reunion, however, isn't as happy as one would expect, as the boy presented to Collins isn't her son, but the LAPD refuse to believe her. What follows is a delve into a story that is powerful, but deeply disturbing as Collins and the Reverend Gustav Brieglev (John Malkovich) seek to expose the lies of the LAPD that will hopefully lead to finding her real son. While the supporting performances are great (Michael Kelly and Colm Feore are just as good as Donovan and Malkovich), this really is a Jolie vehicle, as she gives her what I think is the greatest performance of her career. There are a lot of similarities between this and her portrayal of Mariane Pearl, but as good as she was at Pearl, she is much better here, getting the balance between determination and despair bang on. Eastwood's direction is fairly standard for Eastwood, as he's always been a fairly blunt director who's very much focussed on story. While it must be said that complaining about a lack of subtlety in his films is a bit like complaining about a bad smell in an abattoir, there is one odd moment that lets the side down a little. The story eventually bring us to a mental asylum and these scene are distractingly stereotypical. It's curious because the more I watch those scenes, the more I dislike them, but there's so much good elsewhere that I could never bring myself to mark the film down for it. The film's final scenes are truly brilliant and completely negate any of these flaws that have previously occurred. I have now seen Changeling three times and I could watch it again right away. The reason this review is shorter is not because I can't think of what to say, it's because I already feel as though I've given too much of this magnificent film away and I refuse to give more.

FIVE out of five


Changeling is magnificent. Magnificent rhymes with Maleficent. Maleficent is rubbish.

ONE out of five

Alright, alright. I'll do it properly. I mentioned to a friend how average I thought Maleficent was, but after thinking about it I found myself hating this film more and more. Effectively the story of Sleeping Beauty told from the perspective of Jolie as chief villain Maleficent, the film seeks to put a new spin on things, giving us some perspective for why she does what she does. Jolie is the film's sole light, but I'm scraping there. She's got some pizazz about her and some wicked wit that occasionally helps the film rise out of the doldrums, but everything else is there to throw it back in there. The writers appear to think that we want to see the good side of Maleficent, with very little of the bad side and that is far from the case. As she watches the young Aurora grow up, blissfully unaware of the curse placed upon her, Maleficent softens to her and takes on the role of the good guy, rather than develop into the villain that made her a classic character. Her growing admiration toward Aurora then become the true focus of the film, consuming a good three quarters of the (blissfully only 90 minute) running time. The ending is where the film packs most of the surprises, but they're not good ones. It's rare that I actually yell at the TV screen, but this films ending caused me to spout out two words in it's direction (the second one was "off"). I don't recall ever having done that before. It's not like the film is all that exemplary on a visual side either. It's pretty enough, which should be expected from a fairy tale story, but the effects themselves don't blend with the real action. You can practically see a cut-out line around all of the non-CGI characters as they stand there, but never feel like they've blended into the surroundings. On the acting side, despite Jolie's solid turn, all of the supporting performances are poor and I mean that without exception. The usually decent Elle Fanning does little other than this eardrum-chewing laugh that makes you want Maleficent to heighten the curse and also holds a grossly painful stab at the British accent. The three pixies (played here by Imelda Staunton, Juno Temple and Lesley Manville) lack that motherly feel and go for the slapstick, which also dies on it's arse. Meanwhile, Sharlto Copley and Sam Riley are just a bit dull in their roles: which is a real blight for Copley as he's fairly pivotal. I guess the best thing that could be said about Maleficent is that it isn't as bad when you're watching it, as it is when you think about it afterwards. So I guess you'll just have to try and not do the second bit. I did though.

ONE out of five

Let's close by answering the question though. Can Angelina Jolie act?



Yeah, she can

Next Time (11th March)


Wednesday, 11 February 2015

The Death Of Depp

The Death of Depp

Featuring Partially Educated Reviews of
The Tourist
The Rum Diary
Dark Shadows
The Lone Ranger
Transcendence
and Mortdecai

Yeah, it's a day earlier than I said, but that's just because I love you all so much and not at all to do with the fact that I'm at a gig tomorrow night and won't be able to post this up.

It would appear that Johnny Depp's career has come full circle, with his mid-90's status as box office poison giving way to his 2000s success as a bit of juggernaut. Now though, he's back to box office poison territory. However, financial success has never necessarily been an indicator of quality (proof: last year's highest grossing film was Transformers 4), so is it a case of these films suffering an undeserved fate, or is Depp just getting everything he deserves?


There's a few directors who move from Oscar nominated (or even winning) foreign films to English speaking films of a much lesser quality. Florian Henckel Von Donnersmarck is one of those names, as his film The Lives Of Others not only won the Oscar, but beat Pan's Labyrinth in doing so. Whether or not that was justified is a debate for another time, as a more questionable decision arose in that of Donnersmarck following that film with The Tourist. It's a film that now lives in infamy, as not only did it manage to garner three Golden Globe nominations, in spite of the palpable sense of disapproval directed towards it, but it also marks the part where Depp's career starts it's downward slide. For reference's sake, The Tourist is nowhere near the financial failure of the five films that will follow. In fact, it actually turned a profit. However, the film has got to be considered the turning point (along with the fourth Pirates film, which I'm saving for another time) in regards to a growing antipathy towards Depp. He plays American Maths (or Math, if you must) teacher, Frank, who is unknowingly selected by Angelina Jolie's Elise as a decoy for her con man boss. With his Venice holiday now consisting entirely of Frank running away from mobsters and police, he is left to deal with the consequences and (wait for it) hilarity ensues. The first thing I want to make clear is this: I don't hate The Tourist quite as much as everyone else seems to. It has some funny moments and both Depp and Jolie's performances are enjoyable enough. They may be overblown, but that's in keeping with the film's tone, so it's not really a flaw on their part. The really big problem lies in the actual plot of the film, as it all hinges on who Jolie's boss really is. The fact that he has recently had plastic surgery is supposed to help add to the mystery, but in reality, you'll have guessed who it is by the time the train pulls into Venice (that's about 10 minutes into the film). The script comes from Donnersmarck, the usually reliable Christopher McQuarrie and Julian Fellowes, who are all so cocksure of their film's intelligence, that they fail to notice how it derails itself more and more with every passing minute and nonsensical twist. Then, in director mode, Donnersmarck appears far too concerned with how beautiful everything looks, from the Venetian scenery to his two lead actors. In this respect, he succeeds on both fronts, but the vacuity to beauty ratio is on par with your average Miss World contest. The Tourist works to a point, then panics and screams for help, only to find that everyone would prefer to just move on and forget about the whole unfortunate episode.

TWO out of five


In case you didn't know, Depp was really good mates with Hunter S. Thompson. I only throw it out there in case you haven't heard the umpteen times that Depp has spoken about it. That's not a problem. I'm glad they were friends and it's equally touching that Depp wanted to adapt Thompson's novel as one final hurrah following his death. It's less great that he cocked it up. In a way, there's a lot of similarities between The Rum Diary and The Tourist. Both films start out good enough, but instead of building up to a great finale, they squander it and climax in an orgasm of self importance. Journalist Paul Kemp (Depp) begins work for a Puerto Rican newspaper and catches the eye of a local property dealer (Aaron Eckhart). Whilst this brings up work for Kemp, it also pulls him into some less than legal dealings (an evil property dealer in the movies? Never). This part of the story is the interesting part, as the corruption story may not be fresh, but it at least feels focussed. Eckhart is almost always good, despite the fact that the man clearly needs a new agent based on some the crap he's been forced into. Depp is also pretty good during these parts of the film because (and this is the crucial part) the character is sober during these scenes. Even when Kemp is hungover, Depp holds himself back, playing things fairly well down the straight and narrow (with the exception of the opening scene). It doesn't make for the most interesting character, but it does prevent him from overshadowing the scenes and the events around them. Sadly, Kemp is drunk, high or both for almost the entirety of the film's second half and this is where it becomes completely intolerable. The last half of this film is an incoherent mess, in which all sorts of weird drugs related stuff happens and it all leads us nowhere interesting. Eckhart's character is also kind of sidelined, as we're forced to deal with Depp going through a mopey crisis of conscience. We also get the films only look at some of the Puerto Rican locals, as they chase Depp and his partner (Michael Rispoli) away with guns… because that's what they all do. That really is everything The Rum Diary has to offer you. Maybe it's me just not getting it. I know bugger all about anything to do with Hunter S. Thompson (I haven't even watched Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas), so perhaps knowing where this would be headed might have helped, but the promising start notwithstanding, this didn't half irritate me.

TWO out of five


…speaking of annoying. In my previous post, I took a look at one of my favourite directors of all time in Tim Burton; saying that while the man has had his blips, I still hold a general affection towards his films. Dark Shadows is one of those blips and the biggest complement I can throw it's way is that I didn't hate it quite as much the second time around. This is Burton's revival of the old TV series of the same name: a series which seemingly holds zero nostalgia for residents of the UK, so I can only assume it meant something to the American audience. When Barnabas Collins (Depp) jilts the wrong lover (Eva Green in what must a career worst performance), he finds himself being turned into a vampire and locked in a coffin for nigh on two centuries. Waking up in the 1970s, he finds that the Collins name and business is a shadow of it's former self, now led by matriarch Michelle Pfeiffer (who's never seemed so bored). His job, it would seem, is to bring back that glory, but the rival family just so happens to be run by the (apparently immortal) lover that he jilted all those years ago. To it's credit, Dark Shadows knows that it's ridiculous and isn't out to prove otherwise. It is through and through a comedy, but it just isn't that funny beyond the odd solid one-liner. Along with Pfeiffer and Green, the performances are pretty poor too. Depp throws out the most stereotypical Depp-Burton performance you've seen, Chloe Grace Moretz is painful as the petulant teenager and all of the other characters aren't fleshed out enough to justify their appearance other than as background. The exception is Jonny Lee Miller, who's brilliant as the odious womaniser of the family, but there simply isn't enough of him in it. The film's biggest problem though is that everyone's convinced that they're still the outsiders here, particularly Burton, even though he graduated to A-List director when Alice In Wonderland broke a billion. A lot of the film's attempts to be different just feel like things Burton has done before and you can practically hear the back-slapping going on off camera. This isn't just one of Burton's weakest moments, it's taking the crown by a hefty distance.

ONE out of five


This is the point where Depp fatigue really starts to show itself. Dark Shadows didn't set the world alight, but still just about turned a profit. The Rum Diary didn't, but it was always a fairly niche market. Plus, the blame really lies at the feet of whoever thought that film needed a 45 million dollar budget. The Lone Ranger, however, is where Depp's star lost all of it's power. Speaking only in financial terms, this film was a complete disaster; Disney's second in as many years (the other was John Carter). But, does The Lone Ranger deserve it's place as the 4th biggest box office bomb of all time? Hell no. It's a film that is good enough and certainly nowhere near as bad as some of Depp's more successful films, despite the numerous issues. Narratively, the film is a total mess. It just about gets the origin story clear enough, as lawyer John Reid (Armie Hammer) awakens after his own murder, to find that he cannot be killed in battle (thus removing most of the film's tension when it comes to scenes where they want you to believe that he might die). Guided by Comanche guide Tonto, Hammer seeks to become a new face of justice and avenge the deaths of those who fell with him, including his brother. Beyond this, it all just gets a bit too expositionary and the plot isn't all that engaging. If you didn't know, Tonto, the Native American, is played by Depp. Apparently, he wanted to "right the wrongs of the past" when it came to treatment of Native American characters. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'd have thought the best way to do that would be by casting an actual Native American (not someone who thinks his Gran might have been one). This is a racial performance that would make Bernard Manning blush and though I'm sure no offence was intended, misguided is being polite. So, why am I saying the film doesn't deserve it's place in infamy? Because despite the numerous blips, it is still often quite a fun film. It's got it's amusing moments and Hammer plays the lead role very well. The villains aren't too bad as they played by decent actors in an old-school one-step-short-of-moustache-twiddling kind of way. There's three of them though and it's apparent how much one of them isn't needed. In the end, The Lone Ranger is a victim of the other films that convinced audiences that Depp wasn't someone to care about anymore. In that respect, it's not a wholly surprising fate and I'd be lying if I said that Depp will change those people's minds in this film. There is plenty else here though where, if you don't really think about what you're watching (and seriously don't try and make sense of the plot, it will give you a headache), there's worse things you could try. Though there are also shorter films you could try, so maybe go for them.

THREE out of five


Though it's most likely a by-product of the director's previous work with Christopher Nolan, I'm struggling to think of a directorial debut that's as confident in it's own greatness as Wally Pfister's Transcendence. Scrap that, I'm struggling of one that's as misguidedly confident. Transcendence is a boring film about artificial intelligence that made me wish I was watching something like The Terminator instead. This time around, Johnny is scientist Will Caster, shot and poisoned by a member of a radical group in protest against his plans to create a sentient computer. With little time left to continue with his work, he and his wife set about using his consciousness to create this computer. This is a success, but Will's ambition takes hold and before you can scream Skynet, his power grows greater and greater. On an aesthetic level, Transcendence succeeds every bit as much as it fails at most other things. Perhaps that was to be expected with Pfister's own previous career in cinematography, but the undeniably pretty visuals do little to compensate for the general failings elsewhere. The plot is predictable (particularly considering that the start pretty much gives away the ending) and this is made worse by the fact that no one seems aware of this. What it often thinks are twists feel like natural progressions of the story instead. I suppose that's better than an out of nowhere M. Night Shyamalan style twist that destroys all involvement with the story, but their predictability completely deadens any effect they may have had. The performances are moderately OK, but a lot just feel like standard performances from the respective actors. Paul Bettany, Morgan Freeman and Cillian Murphy's roles all feel like performances that they've done many times before. Rebecca Hall fares better as Caster's wife, Evelyn, but gets little to do other than cry, despair and sound scientific. Depp's performance is a peculiar one. He's realised that one of his offbeat roles isn't going to work here (as though it did elsewhere), but gets so laid back that he's almost catatonic. This would have been fine if it was just like that when he was in A.I. mode, but he's fairly similar when human, providing us with little to distinguish from how he was before he died. He was boring then, he's boring now. Why are you all getting so suspicious? Much like The Lone Ranger, Transcendence is not the shocker that it has been made out to be, but unlike …Ranger, it's not a film that's remotely concerned with being fun. Without that to fall back on, it's a bit of a slog.

TWO out of five


Mortdecai, on the other hand, is exactly as bad as it has been made out to be. It was probably off to a losing battle with me, even more so than others, because I read the (supposedly excellent) book and thought that was terrible too. The film is still a lot worse though. Charlie Mortdecai is a shady art dealer, who's thus far managed to avoid much reprisal, by also acting as an informant to his former college associate, Inspector Martland (Ewan McGregor). After a Goya theft results in murder, Martland utilises the assistance of Mortdecai to help retrieve the painting and catch the killer. Suffice to say, the plot twists and turns. I'm struggling though to say whether or not the plot actually makes sense. I'm fairly sure it doesn't, but my care in keeping up was so minimal that it might have just been my lack of care. This is a deeply irritating film and most of it is Depp's fault. Take his performances in all of the other films reviewed here and combine their annoyance level. You're still not even close to how bad he is in Mortdecai. With an overcooked Lesley Phillips on acid accent, a grin that makes you want to remove the teeth from it and an absolutely hateful view on anything he could form an opinion on, Mortdecai is a flat out unbearable character. So much so, that you'll be hard pushed not to side with his long suffering wife Johanna… and she's played by Gwyneth Paltrow! As for the comedy, I'm still not convinced of it's success. I'm a very easy person to make laugh, because if a film is really bad, I'll cling on to jokes that wouldn't normally stir a reaction, but go with the laugh like some sort of comedic Patty Hearst. I'm pretty sure that was what happened here because not only could I not remember any of the jokes, I looked some of them up after and felt ashamed for laughing at them in the first place. This is a film that has no flare, style or wit, but appears desperate to assure us that it has. When I reviewed Birdman last month, I said that it would be a truly great year for film if that ended up not being one of my Top 10 films. If Mortdecai isn't in my Bottom 10, it will equally have been a shit one.


ONE out of five 

Next Time (26th February)